The Secret Diary of a Boyfriend

Hello World Mr E here again,

Yesterday I was walking around my local supermarket and bumped into one of my ex girlfriends as is usually the case in life, turn out ex-girlfriends need to buy food to survive, who would have thought it? But anyway turns out she's pregnant which seems to be a running theme with most of my ex-girlfriends who stayed in touch! It made me wonder what all of my past flames were up to. Luckily I suppose, I've never left a relationship on a bad note so I can always talk to them, so I do what every person in search of information does and turned to the internet!

Turns out we live in a Snoopers Heaven! I bring up 'Facebook', type in a few names and low and behold there they are, photo's that fill me with nostalgia of a life that seems so far in the past now! So I delve a little further! Oh wow, one has a kid, is married and is doing well in a fashion career! Good on you honey! Another has two kids, a boy and a girl, is currently between jobs! Oh well...

The more I looked at these past acquaintances the more I began to remember the time I had spent with them, talking about plans that we may of made in the future! One girl, who I will call *HP* for reasons I don't quite know, was adiment that by 24 we would have two children, live in a big house on an avenue with oak trees and drive two sports cars (whether she meant at the same time I'll never know!) Well when I looked her up on another popular social network... She has one kid, a boy! Is engaged and is in a job she can't stand! Now I know for a fact that the guy she's engaged to treats her like crap and that she lives in an area that you wouldn't feel safe walking out in at midday with a fully populated street! But she may be happy I hear you shout! I talked to her... She isn't!

It made me think maybe things would have turned out differently if we were still together! Or perhaps that back then we were just naive, crazy kids just talking about plans for the hell of it! Who knows...

What I do know is that a majority of my ex's are knocked up or already Mother's! A majority are engaged or married! A majority are really happy and that makes me happy, gives me a warm feeling inside!

Funny thing is, I didn't message them, I never added them to contacts, I just looked, just took a Snoop at their lives! Why? Who knows? Maybe it was too much of an invasion to get back in touch! Maybe feelings that have stayed dormant for years and years may suddenly reappear? I just didn't want too? Guess I'll never know! I close 'Facebook', close my browser and put the past to bed!

What struck me as funny, scary even is the ammount of information that people are willing to put on the internet! Addresses, intimate moments in scripted and photographic form! Habbits, Likes and Dislikes! The list is endless! But anyway I guess that's what I'm doing with this blog!

Still no comments I notice, do you people need me to beg???

Mr E

So as I sit here in the study, sipping on a mug of what apparently is Nescafe's finest coffee and thinking about how to open the first of what I hope are many entries on here, I find myself repeating a question which has been asked to me on many occasions through my life and I'm sure it will continue to be asked until my dying day! That question is...

"What goes on in that head of yours?"

To start with I'll let you ladies in on a little secret, (and I really shouldn't be saying this!) But men are usually thinking about 'nothing!' There you have it, the underlining workings of the male mind are that they are just walking around checking stuff out! However things do get implanted up there...

Like for example, when a male growing up as a child reads comic books about superheroes, these aren't just great works of cartoon fiction, for men, those are career choices! How many times have you seen a guy driving down the street, with a matress on the roof of his car, and 9 times out of 10 he has his arm out of the window, holding the top of the matress! This is typical idiotic, male, macho, superhero thinking! This guy is thinking that if a gust of wind catches the matress whilst he's doing 50, it's ok because "I'm using my ARM!"

But I digress, that is the typical male mind right there on a plate! I however believe that I am a refreshing change from the normal male mind. For example I usually start the day thinking of a way to get a little famous perhaps, shortly followed by "I wonder if I should have 'Frosties' or 'Weetabix' this morning?"

I've recently become quite obsessed with burlesque (obviously not performing myself...is that even possible?) so for part of my day I think of the likes of Dita Von Teese, think of how the hell to suggest it to my G/F and maybe think for a while that perhaps I like burlesque so much because I enjoy thinking of other women doing it for me rather than her! (Is that bad?) I mean last night I watched a sick television programme called 'The Sex Education Show' I'm not against what it's trying to do, or promote, however I am against the fact that it's on at 7:30pm and I was having my tea! Images of 'The Clap' and 'Genital Warts' can easily put you off a nice homemade lasagne. But anyway, whilst I was watching this programme, the host 'Anna Richardson' tried her hand at a bit of burlesque and I couldn't help but think that perhaps I could have her dance for me, and for a full ten minutes of the segment my G/F was talking to me and I couldn't communicate back with her, I was mesmorised by this woman who although was on televisions across the nation dancing in millions of homes, was giving me my very own private dance! It was fantastic! What I'm trying to say is that was how my brain was acting at the time!

Other times, especially of late I've been thinking of how I can propose to my G/F, how I can possibly afford to make her illaborate dreams of her perfect wedding become a reality! As you all know weddings are not cheap! She's been watching wedding programmes religiously, perhaps trying to drop subtle hints that 'it's time!'

In return the little devil Mr E on my left hand shoulder pops up and asks me "Do you really want to get married?" throwing doubt into the works and dropping me into a pit of guilt and worry that can only be discribed as darkness!

This is going to take a while to come to a full, complete answer! Perhaps I'm taking the question a little too literal...

I wouldn't even like to think I could categorize my thoughts like many men could SEX, BEER, FOOTBALL... I'm too complex for that as you may have noticed!

Maybe you should watch this space.

Anyway, as the Mission Statement got a pitiful ammount of comments and replies I'm hoping this will get you a little more fired up! Question me people, comment away and encourage!!!

Much Love

Mr E

PS: Anna Richardson I'm not a stalker, but you keep on keeping on hun!

www.annarichardson.co.uk

www.dita.net

Ok so here goes,

Welcome to 'The Secret Diary of a Boyfriend', the final result of a project I've wanted to do for a couple of years now! As you're probably now wondering, Why? What? and perhaps even Do I have any milk?

Why?...

Well honestly there is not reason set in stone other than perhaps I wanted to do something which rivalled 'Sex and The City' of 'The Secret Diary of a Call Girl' (By the way Billie Piper if you ever stumble across this blog in your busy career, 'HOT' that's all I'm saying!) I've wanted to do something that is kept away from my girlfriend, maybe? Perhaps it's simply entertainment value? I wanted to gather a cult following, get random people around the face of the globe saying "Have you read..." Now that would be something!

What?...

Ok so you thought the 'Why' was hard work, well the 'What' has just begun! Expect to find in this blog the ramblings, trials and tribulations and life of a boyfriend! Simple as that, the ins and outs of what a man thinks (ladies I'm sure that's worth reading!) Every smile, every row, every good time and bad time, every random thought, every encounter, every request! Just some of the things you should expect to find during your stay at the 'SDOAB Hotel'.

Oh, and what do I want in return for this insight into a life? Not much at all, perhaps weekends off (that would be nice!) I require annonimity, for this whole project to thrive I as a person need to keep invisible, so if you do find out who I am, please, please, please don't disclose it! And most importantly, comment, reply, and request to my posts, I want to see that what I'm writing is hitting targets so to speak, and that my fanbase is building... (Not much to ask is it?)

Do I have any Milk?...

Best thing to do is check the fridge... and do not pour your cereal into the bowl before checking!

So there you go, a little mission statement! Now it's time for you all to respond!

Much Love

Mr E

xxx